12 Lies About Mojito: A Manifesto For Mint

It’s not a drink for the last day of summer. It’s a drink for the first week of fall. How did a potion of high seas battle and humble garden toil become the symbol of suburban patio tranquility? It’s time to reappropriate Mojito.

1) Of all the misconceptions about Mojito, the most curious is that it’s a summer drink. Mojito is a harvest drink. It’s the drink that circumvents the first frost. You wait until that crisp September moment before the mint turns to a patch of green slush in the corner of the garden, and the sparrows race like drunken crop dusters into the front window, bellies full of fermented crab apples—only then can you make Mojito.

13 Things The Whirling Dervishes Can Teach You About Spinning Until You’re Dizzy Enough To Puke

Before reading even one more word, begin playing a song that calms your psyche and rouses your soul. Step away from your computer into the part of the room where you won’t crack your head when you fall. Now spin. Spin until your eyes fall back into your head and bile forms in the back of your throat. Spin until your face turns green. Spin until you lose consciousness.